Archive | July, 2012

Senior Humor 101.8

28 Jul

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After 50 years of marriage, Kate leaves her husband Danny. Danny lost everything to his X wife, so thinking he’s going insane he takes a little walk through the forest. As he was walking his foot hits a lamp and a genie comes out. The genie says, “I’ll give u 3 wishes, BUT everything you get your wife gets two times as much.Danny wishes for a car and his wife got two times as many cars. Then he wished for a house and his wife got two houses. Then Danny asked the genie to choke him half two death.

In prison, you get three square meals a day.At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can’t sleep without his latest lego creation.In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.

At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison, all your medical care is free.

At home, you have to pawn your mother’s silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.

At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.

At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else’s space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.

At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you’re done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.

At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else’s, and get yelled at because somebody’s favorite shirt isn’t clean.

In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.

At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.

At home, you have to lug around everybody else’s stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn’t.

At home….stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?


Once, there was a lawyer. This lawyer had a wife and a little girl who he loved. He made a good living and pretty satisfied with life.He was surprised when his daughter began avoiding him one day. Goodnight kisses stopped. Hug were few and far between. She never sat on her father’s lap and practically refused to listen to bedtime stories from him.The lawyer began to get more than a little frustrated with this behavior and decided to talk to his daughter about it. He brought it up with her.She wouldn’t talk to her father and so she wrote a note to be given to him via her mother.When the lawyer read the note, he was a bit shocked. This is what it read:”Mindy’s dadee sayz that lawyers suk the blood ouwt of aneeone thay come close to. i dont want yu to suk mi blod, so dont come clos to me pleas. thank yu. sophie.”


Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”


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DIABETES! Care and Control you can live with it!

28 Jul

Diabetes is a disease that affects the whole family, especially when a child is diagnosed. Whether you’re a parent, sibling or other family member, your support and understanding can make all the difference. Are you worried about medical care and costs, or how to manage diabetes at school? We provide information and resources to help every child and every family adjust to life with diabetes.

It’s not easy to hear you have diabetes. But for millions of Americans, learning about their diabetes is the first step toward feeling better and living a longer, healthier life. Here’s what you need to get started on the path toward improved health and wellbeing.

Take a deep breath.

Preparing your mind for your journey with diabetes is one of the best first steps to take.

Being told you have diabetes, or that there is a problem with your blood sugar level can cause quite a bit of stress — and rightly so.

Diabetes is scary.

Denial, Guilt, Anger

You may have read headlines about what can go wrong or witnessed firsthand the negative effects of uncontrolled diabetes.

Maybe you have been in denial that anything is wrong. That’s OK. Denial protects and buffers you from difficult or shocking information.

Do you feel guilty? Like you caused diabetes?

If so, your first assignment is to stop the blame game and get on your own side.

Anger, too, is a common reaction and is often the first sign that you acknowledge that something is wrong. It is never too late to jumpstart your diabetes self-management program.

The key is to be gentle with yourself because you are your best resource for managing your diabetes.

Diabetes is never convenient, but with some effort and help from the experts, it is manageable. It is important that you acknowledge this. How you perceive this diagnosis will greatly effect how successfully your diabetes is managed.

Learn to Laugh

As strange as it sounds, learning to laugh can help.

Your thoughts and feelings have an enormous impact on your body. Positive thoughts do have positive physical effects.

Humor is a useful tool in helping manage diabetes by adding perspective—not that there is anything funny about having diabetes. But a little humor may help you see from a different perspective. Humor can help you build the confidence to know that you can deal with diabetes. Plus, laughing lowers glucose levels!

Focus on Positives

Let’s focus on something positive about your diabetes diagnosis. Feel free to repeat the following to yourself:

  • “I can follow my dreams and passions.”
  • “Diabetes stinks, but I can manage it.”
  • “I am not alone. Millions of people are dealing with diabetes and thousands of health care professionals are fighting to make a difference in my life and the lives of others.”
  • “The feelings I have about diabetes—be it anger, depression, fear, eagerness to learn, or relief at finding out—are typical. I have the strength to do something about my diabetes.”

You Are More Than Diabetes

Diabetes does not define you; it’s just a small part of your complex being. When it comes to diabetes, your treatment plan starts with being mentally prepared.