Tag Archives: dooms day

Senior Humor 101.6

24 May

DEFINITIONS

These fit so well they should be in a dictionary.
  
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
 

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
Similar to my character lines.

TOP CARE FOR ELDERLY

A man goes to visit his 85-year old grandpa in the hospital 


 “How are you grandpa?” He asks


 “Feeling fine” says the old man


 What’s the food like?


 
“Terrific, wonderful menus”


 “And the nursing?”


 “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you”


 “What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?”


 “No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet and that’s it. I go out like a light.”


 The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge.


 “What are you people doing” he says. “I’m told you’re giving an 85 year old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”


 “Oh, yes” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well”.

 “The chocolate makes him sleep,

and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed”.